This is supposed to be cathartic, right?
Somehow, me writing about the evolution of my ‘game’ will purge myself of pent-up feelings toward my old self? At least, that’s what I’ve been told.
Don’t get me wrong, I want this to be a cleansing experience, but the more and more I write and think about it, I was such a chump in my younger days.
Remember how I said I ostracized myself from groups of people as a freshman in high school in Part 1? Well, I did it again as a freshman in college.
George Santayana, you’re a son of a bitch, you know that? He was the guy that said, ‘Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.’
For me, the worst part about pushing those people away for no reason was that they were the people who were supposed to be the closest to me — my teammates. As a Division I athlete, that’s all the brotherhood you need. You don’t need to join a frat or do anything serious. Those are supposed to be your boys.
And I killed that opportunity.
It hurt partying a little bit with them, but not much since I didn’t drink until February of my junior year. That was four months before my 21st birthday.
First time I ever drank was during a case race. Of course I was picked last, but I was the last man standing for my team. Suck on that!
Eventually I began to try to work my way back into the crowd and it helped with my game. They wanted me around them at parties and began introducing me to girls.
One of my closer friends pointed out this chick at a party.
‘Blaze, you’ve got to go talk to her. She’s been eye-fucking you the entire party.’
So I went over and sure enough, she was about it. Even though I took her home, I didn’t want my red wings, so we just chilled.
Then, like a chump, we began dating a few weeks later. We didn’t fuck or anything before that, but I felt I needed a girlfriend. And her, as a freshman, was naive enough to join in. Fly, Fresh and Young would kill me twice — once for not banging out in college and another for actually dating.
Eventually we did fuck (story for another time) and I was no longer a virgin. Yup, it took until I was a junior in college to lose my virginity.
Our relationship lasted until summer, then we broke up and I entered my senior year a single man.
Things went well enough as I developed a better understanding of who I was. Got a few more bangs, developed a few more solid friendships and so on.
Then, I graduated.