The Old Hag

As I sat across from her, I realized two things (much to my chagrin, I might add): it quickly turned into what I despise and there was no way I’d date older again.

I found her on OkCupid and even though she was 10 years my senior, something looked good about her photos and I mentioned before how older can sometimes be better when it comes to fucking and not dealing with drama.

We agreed to meet up at a bar and once I saw her, the realization set in. She was old. There was no way around it. Her body still looked fine and her tits were suspiciously perky, but her face looked like a dried-up prune.
She quickly mentioned how hungry she was after we sat down and there was no turning back. This was going to be a dinner date. My resistance was futile, so I just went through with the motions.

Our conversation was all right, but I couldn’t help but notice another girl at the bar who had her laptop with her and she was chugging wine. I wanted to chat with her, but I couldn’t with the ancient anchor next to me. I actually brought the other chick up in conversation and mentioned that I thought she was filling out job applications (trying out a cold read from what I could tell).

As the night wore down and her welcome wore out, the waiter dropped our check. I took a look at it, handed it to her and told her we’d split it down the middle. You should have seen her eyes. All of the wrinkles were gone and she was seething mad. She put her credit card down and stormed to the bathroom.

When she got back, we walked outside and she couldn’t help herself but to lambaste me for us going dutch and that I should have told her way before that it would happen. Evidently she’s fallen on some hard times and had to borrow money from a friend for the last few weeks. Oh well, not my problem. She said, “I guess chivalry is dead when you date younger. There should be a rule or something.” I thought, but didn’t say, “Well, my rule is that I’m not going to pay for a dinner date unless we’re exclusive or we’re bound to fuck soon after. Figuring you don’t have many years left and my erection went back inside my body, I did all right.”

We didn’t even hug and after several minutes of debating myself, I went back in to chat with that solo chick. Turns out she was filling out job applications and while the conversation didn’t go anywhere, it gave me confidence in following my gut instinct.